Fertility Awareness For Sexual Empowerment
Having a sex life that is mindful of the four phases of the menstrual cycle can lead to a deeper understanding of your body's natural rhythms and potentially enhance intimacy and pleasure.
Fertility awareness helps you understand your sexual anatomy and navigate each phase of the menstrual cycle with more consideration to the intimacy you desire.
Body Literacy Increases Anatomical Knowledge and Awareness
Body literacy deepens your understanding of your own anatomy. As you learn to observe and chart signs like cervical mucus, basal body temperature, or changes in sensation, you become more familiar with the structures and cyclical changes of your body. This awareness helps demystify your sexual systems and builds confidence in naming and understanding your own anatomy. Whether you're exploring your cervix as pleasurable for the first time, identifying what’s normal for your sexual arousal fluid, or noticing how your libido responds to changes in hormones, this knowledge fosters autonomy, reduces fear, and opens the door to more enjoyable and empowered sex.
Body literacy helps you understand the full arc of your sexual and emotional landscape. By learning how your body responds across different phases of your cycle or hormonal rhythm, you begin to notice patterns in desire, sensitivity, arousal, and intimacy. You become more attuned to what excites you, what soothes you, and when you're most connected to your sensuality. This self-knowledge helps reduce shame, builds confidence, and allows you to express your needs more clearly no matter which relationship style that you choose. Understanding the stages of arousal from a body literacy perspective transforms sexuality from something mysterious or external into something grounded, exploratory, and fully yours.
Body Literacy Teaches The Stages Of Arousal
Sexuality by Menstrual Phase - Menstruation
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Open communication with your sexual partner about your needs, desires, and any discomfort during this phase is crucial. Discuss preferences and boundaries to ensure both partners feel comfortable and supported. A discussion about the roots of menstrual stigma, and the taboo of sex during menses should take place so that both partners can share their feelings and work together to find consensus about sex during menstruation. There is simply no medical reason why sex cannot take place during menses, and this time is generally an infertile point in the cycle (see FAM rules for contraception for specifics), so the main barrier to it occurring regularly is a lack of communication and adherence to social taboo, both of which can be rectified by exploring this together.
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Some people with vulvas may experience heightened genital sensitivity during menstruation. Be mindful of this and ask for the kinds of pleasure you want. For some people, external stimulation only is their preference. For others, internal stimulation and penetration is enjoyable. In some cases, the pain surrounding menstruation may mean that people feel too much sensitivity to want to have sex, and that is ok too.
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Many people report a heightened libido during the menses. Whether this is due to physical, psychological, or (probably) both is unclear. It's possible that as the new cycle begins, hormones have reached their lowest point and begin ascending again. This fluctuating estrogen may affect the libido, but other factors like the increased genital blood flow or nerve pressure from a slightly expanded uterus are potential actions as well. People can enjoy the menstrual phase through self play or play with others.
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Use comfortable sex positions. Some people report wanting a more yin-focused / sensual sex, while others report enjoying more physicality as it may ease cramps. This will be different for each person experiencing it, so make note of your comfort. In addition, depending on the cycle day and flow rate, consider using a sex specific towel, meant for absorbing fluids, to relieve concerns about potential messiness and make the whole process smoother if this is something you want to enjoy regularly.
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For those experiencing menstrual cramps or discomfort, some people like using the element of heat in their sexual encounter. This could be play that includes using heat packs like herbal sand bags, sensual massage foreplay, or a towel that has been soaked in warm water.
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Some people don't have the desire to or prefer not to engage in sex when they're menstruating, and this choice should also be respected. It can simply be a time to focus on other parts of yourself. Examining how you feel about this and what works for you is key. Encouraging an awareness of menstrual stigma and taboo while still making room for the autonomy of individuals and their deeply personal choices in this regard is extremely important.
Sexuality by Menstrual Phase - Follicular
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Your body makes cervical fluid during the follicular phase, which contributes to increased vaginal lubrication and is also considered erotic in its own right. The vagina is longer at this time due to the cervix rising higher in the vaginal canal during the fertile phase. Deeper penetration and certain positions (such as from behind) may be more pleasurable during this phase, with little impact on the sensitive cervix.
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Estrogen levels rise during this phase, leading to increased libido and energy, social, physical, sexual, creative, and otherwise. Embrace this natural surge in desire and explore new experiences with your own sexuality or with your partner.
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The follicular phase is associated with improved mood and interestingly, communication skills. Take advantage of this emotional connection to deepen intimacy and trust by engaging in sexual experiences together that deepen your bond. This doesn't even have to be sex itself, but could be conversations around your sexual enjoyment. Focusing on opening up, being light hearted and flirtatious, and meeting all conversations about new sexual experiences with vulnerability is a great way to enjoy the follicular phase. Your partner is likely to respond well to this increased desire for close emotional connection.
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As hormone levels increase, pain tolerance increases as well. In other words, you may find yourself desiring a more yang-centric sexual experience with different positions, more athleticism, and more sweat. It's the spring time of the cycle, if you will.
Sexuality by Menstrual Phase - Ovulatory
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The clitoris gets larger during the fertile phase of the menstrual cycle (both follicular and ovulatory), pointing to its increased importance for stimulation during the fertile phase. Remember that the clitoris has both exterior and interior parts which can be stimulated from the glans but also inside the vagina.
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We know that not only does estrogen peak a few days before ovulation, LH and testosterone also peak right around the time of the release of the egg and when the most peak fertile fluids are present. This means that your body has many potential hormonal signals encouraging you to think about and have sex more.
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Many people report feeling more sensual and attractive during ovulation. This may be due to both physical (such as the release of pheromones) and psychological (such as the brain effects of estrogen) factors. Embrace this confidence and engage in intimate activities that promote self-love and body positivity.
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Utilize the heightened hormone levels and increased desire to deepen your connection with your partner. Enjoy the emotional and physical closeness during this time. Some people also report finding their partner's fluids more erotic during this phase.
Sexuality by Menstrual Phase - Luteal
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Some people may experience hormonal fluctuations during the luteal phase, particularly if they are deficient in progesterone, which leads to mood swings or changes in libido. Be understanding and supportive of each other's emotional needs during the luteal phase, especially when it comes to sex. The luteal phase is one phase, but in this case you may think of the early luteal phase as having similar energy levels to ovulation, whereas by the mid to late luteal phase, energy levels have dropped significantly where you feel an energetic difference.
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There is little to no wet quality cervical fluid production during the luteal phase, and this means using lube is very important to enjoying exterior stimulation or interior stimulation. Make sure that you have a lube you enjoy because the luteal phase is naturally supposed to be a drier environment! There is nothing wrong with you, and arousal fluids simply aren't always enough in volume to make for a really smooth sexual experience during dry phases.
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As menstruation approaches, some people may experience premenstrual symptoms, such as bloating or breast tenderness, and the cervix has dropped lower into the vaginal canal, which may make certain positions uncomfortable. Communicate this with a partner before if possible. If it occurs unexpectedly during sex, have them stop and find a better position and stroke for you. Focus on comfort and relaxation during this phase.
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Be mindful of each other's physical and emotional well-being. Communication and flexibility can help accommodate any changes in desire or comfort as you approach the next menstruation. This part of the cycle may make you feel a number of ways, but know that it is temporary.
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Because the luteal phase is an infertile phase of the cycle (if you fulfilled the rules of your FAM method after ovulation), it's a time where there can be increased contact including ejaculation inside the vaginal canal. If you take this step with a partner make sure it's a partner that you trust and both/all people should continue to get regular STD tests. Some people report increased intimacy from play that engages in ejaculation during infertile phases.
Remember that every individual's relationship to sex and their relationship to their menstrual cycle is unique.
Being attuned to your own body and needs, charting to understand your hormones, and maintaining open and respectful communication with your partner, can lead to a more fulfilling and mindful sex life throughout the different phases of the menstrual cycle.
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